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One Step Worse Than "Diminutively"
}} Belkar struggles with either revealing that he did a good deed or not getting credit for causing chaos. But Ian Starshine knows the truth. Cast * Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ * The Champion ◀ ▶ * Ian Starshine ◀ ▶ * Clipboard Guard ◀ ▶ * Clipboard Guard's Assistant ◀ * Champ's Guards ▶ Transcript Roy and Belkar stand in the gladiator stables of the arena. Roy: Where the hell have you been? Belkar: Taking the biggest dump since Elan assigned his Intelligence score. What’s it to you? Roy: You missed all the excitement. Someone let the big dinosaur loose in the arena, and the two bounty hunters escaped. Roy: The guards are freaking out trying to figure out who did it. Belkar: I had nothing to do with that! Roy: Yeah, I know. Belkar: ...You do? Roy: Yep. Belkar: Well, OK, then. Roy: OK. Beat. They begin walking stage left. Belkar: Just out of curiosity, how do you KNOW that I didn’t set the dinosaur free? Roy: Uh… I’ve met you? Belkar: What is that supposed to mean? Roy: It means that you only do stuff if it gets you something, or if you think it’s funny. Belkar: A bunch of dead guards is hilarious. Roy: To you? Yes. But it would have been even funnier to you to watch the big guy have to kill his friend, and THEN release it. Belkar: Oh. Right. Belkar: OK. well, yeah. Sounds like you’ve got that figured out. Roy: Yep. Belkar: Wasn’t me. Roy: I know. Two guards enter. One holds a clipboard. Clipboard Guard: Alright, they got the allosaurus sedated and back in its cage. Clipboard Guard: Greenhilt, you’re up. The Champ is on his way. Roy: I guess this is it. Don’t maim anyone while I’m gone. Belkar: Right, because I hurt people, I don’t help them. Roy: ...Right. Ian Starshine: You’re a master of deceit. Belkar: Hey, I’m not used to this! I usually rub my action in other people’s faces and laugh! Belkar: And point! I sometimes point. Belkar: Aren’t you going to hassle me to admit to Roy that I did it to save their lives? Ian: Nope. I’m not a big fan of coming clean. Belkar: Well, geez, I could have told you that the moment I was first downwind from you. Ian: ‘Course, now that they put the dino down for a nap, there’ll be no way to help your friend out against the Champion. Belkar: Eh. I’m sure Roy will be fine. Six soldiers wheel in the Champ, who is chained inside some sort of iron-maiden-like contraption on a cart. Inside, the Champ struggles, "rattle! rattle!" The final soldier holds a massive battleaxe in addition to his sword. The Champion: rrrrRRRRWWRR Belkar: “Finely chopped” counts. D&D Context * In the first panel, Belkar refers to a "dump stat" which is when the lowest ability score rolled during character generation is applied to an ability which is not important to the character class being created, e.g. a fighter choosing to have a low intelligence score. * The title refers to the size of the Roy pieces that will be left after his fight with Thog. Belkar says "finely chopped" counts as "fine"; the title notes that "finely" means somewhat smaller pieces than if Roy were "diminutively chopped". In D&D there are nine Size Categories for creatures. Fine is the smallest size: creatures weighing less than 1/8 pound. Diminutive is the next category larger, encompassing creatures weighing more than 1/8 pound and less than one pound. Thus the size of the Roy pieces in this strip are quite specific. Trivia * This is the first appearance of the Champ's Guards. * This is only other appearance of the Clipboard Guard's Assistant from #782, Not Yet Met His Match. External Links * 786}} View the comic * 194699}} View the discussion thread Category:Linear Guild Attacks!